On the third day of Smutmas, Santa brought to me . . . Hockey-playing Heroes and Ho-ho-ho(e)s - a review of Alina Jacobs It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!

A second Maplewood Falls story in as many weeks?! Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus. And her name is Alina Jacobs. I was still wiping tears from my eyes (from laughing out louding - I’m just making up words as I go) after reading Elf Against the Wall when I was graced with an ARC of Jacobs' return to her fictional RI hamlet, which brought back Dakota, Gracie's fiercely loyal and BS-adverse cousin from Good Elf Gone Wrong, and the ridiculously large family that provides even more fodder for holiday hijinx here in It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!. While the title may be causing agita for publishers and, you know, the Great and Powerful Amazon, I was here for the pun. I'm here for all the puns, all the time and Jacobs delivers on that front and so much more.

If you haven’t read the previous Maplewood Falls books, no worries, this, like those, is a stand-alone. That said, it’s so much more fun to go along for the ride with Dakota and her OTT family if you’ve already met Gracie, Hudson (still swoony), Pugnog (the pug you never knew you needed in your life), and, fan favorite, Granny Murray. In fact (Spoiler Alert) we’re introduced to dreamy, minor league hockey captain, Ryder, when he’s unexpectedly thrust into Dakota’s universe. He’s being stalked and Hudson (shout out to my favorite Wynter brother . . . so far) and his private security team is hired to find said stalker. To no avail. The wily, would-be criminal is none other than Granny Murray herself, up to her octogenarian outrageousness. Worlds collide and there’s an instant attraction between Dakota and Ryder (not that she would admit it since her family are rabid fans of Ryder’s rival feeder team - hockey loyalty, and blood for that matter, run deep) and she instantly turns off the gorgeous Boy Scout with a string of profanity that has his jaw dropping (and not in the good way. That comes later).

What begins, on Dakota’s behalf, as a fake dating scenario - little brothers who have found themselves on the wrong side of a bet (and the Mafia) are involved - blossoms into a whirlwind romance where we’re treated to a genuinely lovely but heavily baggaged romantic lead in Ryder, who refuses Dakota’s “puck bunny” advances - until the third date at least. After doing a whiplash fast 180, he falls head over skates for her. (He’s got his reasons for falling so hard, however, hence the aforementioned baggage). Despite her protests for, you know, at least a third of the book, Dakota falls equally hard and fast for the sincere slap-shooter. As do we. How can you not when he’s not only a disarming “College Boy” who chose the security of an education over the glitz and glam of pursuing an NHL career? Who spends his time volunteering at the local shelter (in keeping with tradition, Jacobs gifts us with a new pup: ADHD Husky Dasher) and acting as pseudo-grandson at the Senior Center? Oh, and that baggage. Yup, the author really piled it on with his backstory of being (like the maybe-too-much-but-I’m-here-for-it extended metaphor of Dasher’s inability to get / stay adopted) a kid who was tossed from one foster family to the next, never making it out of the system, and thus thinks there is something fundamentally unlovable about him. We love you, Ryder. We really do when you leave the Boy Scout persona at the bedroom door, which we knew you would.

Despite the whirlwind (fake / not fake) romance - 3 days is a lifetime in a Christmas comedy - I love yous fly almost as frequently as fists do. I loved Dakota for her loyalty to her family as Gracie’s only defender in Good Elf but damn if I didn’t want to slap her for her commitment to breaking Ryder’s heart for that very same blind loyalty to family. Are there giant red flags waving all over the place with the hockey heartthrob’s desire to wife Dakota up within moments of talking with her? Of course there are! And, like the title, I’m here for it - we know what we’re getting ourselves into and we’re here for the ride.

The penultimate scene in the book, which involves smuggled mace in places no mace (or anything else) should ever be smuggled and an all-out brawl that makes me want to re-watch Slapshot, was one of the funniest scenes I’ve read in a while. In fact, this is probably the first rom-com I’ve read in a while where I wanted a movie version of it STAT (get on it, streaming services!). It’s good old fashioned ridiculousness peppered with a healthy dose of real love, crazy family, and, of course, dark moments that you know are going to be made right before the (two!) epilogues.

In short, Dakota and Ryder bring the heat, hockey, and humor. What more could a girl want for Christmas?

Rating: 5 / 5 Third Dates (and all that entails . . . )