Move over Meet-cute, the Puke-cute is Poised to Take Over the World! - An ARC of Camilla Isley's If the Ring Fits

You read that right. Puke-cute. Didn’t have that one on my bingo card for today, or ever. Come to think of it, though, I do have a hazy memory of losing my lunch in front of a guy that I then went on to have a summer fling with . . . Granted, that lunch was mostly of the liquid variety and, despite what we read, summer flings were flung and we both moved on. You’re not here for my trip down memory lane, however, so let’s get to it.

If the Ring Fits (going to go with ITRF; despite my disdain for acronyms, damn if they don’t save significant seconds) is the second in Isley’s “Funny Feelings” series. I’ve already posited my feelings about the first - This is NOT a Holiday Romance - and Isley in general in a previous post but am doubling down on my burgeoning affection for Isley’s work. ITRF features Rowena, who we met in TINAHR (now I’m just being a jerk), a pregnant software engineer who’s kicked the baby daddy to the curb before even realizing she was expecting. Though the book begins at the end(ish), with Rowena and Adrian, C-Suite hottie who’s approaching middle age with nothing to show except his statuesque form that’s clad in Saville Row suits and billions of dollars, getting a divorce. 

Now, I have, since I first watched Sunset Boulevard, love me some good in medias res. There’s something to be said for working our way back into the narrative that gets me every time. So, I was all in when Rowena knocked her cup of coffee on her divorce papers (not a spoiler, this is Chapter 1, folks) in order to postpone the divorce that she agreed to a year ago when she wasn’t in love with her fake husband. From here, we’re brought into one of the oddest meet-cutes I’ve read in a while, as Rowena, having just been fired, and Adrian, having just realized that his chances of becoming CEO are slipping through his fingers and has made up a big-time lie, fall prey to that old chestnut: puking in the gender neutral bathroom of their shared Manhattan skyscraper. 

Romeo and Juliet locking eyes across a crowded masquerade ball have nothing on Adrian and Rowena, vomiting their literal and metaphorical guts out. There’s something about confiding in a puke pal on the other side of the stainless steel divider that makes you spill those truths and dark secrets you never could with someone who actually knows and most likely judges you. Thus, we find Rowena in tears over the pregnancy, unemployment, and stark reality that she can’t afford to stay in her beloved New York and Adrian, crying internally over the fact that he needs to find a pregnant fiance to prove to his boss that he understands the need for work / life balance and now has to come clean.

The story writes itself from here on in as the two find in the other exactly what they need. Call it kismet or fate or, in Adrian’s case, bad sushi. Now we, as readers, are more than willing to suspend our disbelief, so I went with the whole I’m-marrying-a-stranger-who’s-more-than-a-decade-older-than-me-and-oh-yeah-a-total-stranger thing. Of course I did! It’s another fake relationship of convenience and I love those almost as much as I love my enemies to lovers. Adrian and Rowena are certainly never enemies - there’s instant chemistry once they emerge from their stalls. In a word, they’re hot. Though the combination of vomit and industrial cleaner isn’t exactly pheremonal, it sure as hell is here. However, it’s made clear from the contract drawn up by Adrian’s lawyers - a fair and beneficial and awesome-for-Rowena contract, might I add - that this is a business transaction that benefits both parties for the six month span of their marriage and no more.

And that’s it. True to their word and the letter of the law, Adrian and Rowena spend the rest of the novel as roommates who never have naked thoughts about one another. The end.

As if. Again, check out the first chapter . . . or the cover . . . or any of the other myriad rom-coms that feature fake dating. The more Adrian and Rowena fight their attraction, the stronger it grows. Obviously. We know and expect this. What makes ITRF a little more darling than run-of-the-mill fake relationship tales for me is the return of other characters from Isley’s literary Manhattan, including Dr. Raikes from Baby One More Time (who I definitely crushed on) and Thomas, Reese, and, most importantly, K2-P from The Love Algorithm (IYKYK). So, OK, not exactly the most glowing recommendation given that the book can be read as a standalone, but who doesn’t love picking up the thread of former faves who we thought were gone from our lives forever?

Speaking of gone from our lives forever, the longer Adrian - whose classic CEO backstory includes financial upsets and fucked-up fathers - declares that HE. DOESN’T. DO. RELATIONSHIPS, the clearer it becomes that he not only does but can and can be quite the catch (as if the aforementioned money and looks weren’t enough. I’m shallow. I know.). What I most enjoyed about his half of the story is that he genuinely wants to be worthy of Rowena and get himself right before he dedicates himself to her (and the baby, of course). Despite the fact that best friend Nina (we met her in TINAHR) warns Rowena that Adrian is “a great guy. Just not your great guy”, we know that she’s wrong. We’re all in on Adrian as he tries to right the wrongs of his past and learn that the elusive work / life balance can’t be faked. Well, maybe not all in. His vow to withhold a physical relationship until he proves that he is “enough” makes not only hormonal, horny, and can’t get more pregnant Rowena but also the reader want to smack him up the side of his perfectly chiseled face.

It’s no spoiler to say that there’s a HEA in store for the software engineer and CEO to be, but there are certainly those requisite bumps and more so along the way once the fake relationship becomes real for both parties. Isley delves into some truly dark moments, as opposed to just the “dark moment” we’re waiting for, and Rowena (and Adrian, to a degree) go through some real shit at the end of the story. Ultimately, there are plenty of cliches to be had (my favorite of which includes her teary proclamation to Adrian that he “is enough” and his to her that she’s “everything I never knew I wanted”) that nearly sent me to the restroom, where I certainly wouldn't meet a handsome stranger who offered me his hand in marriage. However, I can look past the cutesy-ness and cliches and other literary loopholes because I’m getting what I want. I wouldn’t be reading a rom-com if I didn’t expect to be here.

Isley, though getting spicier with each series, is still relatively tame. If you’re looking for some knee-clenching sex scenes, look elsewhere. However, there’s enough innuendo, suggestion, and good ol’ fashion banging (though definitely not railing) to suffice. I could do with a little less saccharine but, at the end of the day, I’m into it and am already looking forward to the next story in the series, which features Rowena’s other friend and her best friend’s brother.

Rating: 4 / 5 Gender-neutral Restroom Romantic Gestures